How to build self-confidence.

I regularly work with my clients to help them build their self-confidence. Here’s the first thing I tell them when they come to me: Being confident is a learned skill

But what do we mean when we talk about confidence? Put simply, self-confidence is a belief in your own abilities, judgements and knowledge and trust that you can successfully face day-to-day challenges. Studies show a strong relationship between self-confidence and positive mental health.

Self-confidence also brings more happiness. When you are feeling confident about your capabilities, the more motivated you are to take action and achieve your goals.

While often used interchangeably, there is a difference between self-esteem and self-confidence. Self-esteem refers to your overall sense of self-worth, or value as a person. Self-confidence refers to your belief in your ability to perform specific tasks or achieve goals - it is situational and task-dependent.

So, if confidence can be learned, how do we go about it? Here are my tips for when you want to work on building your self-confidence. 

1. Reframe self-doubt

Self-doubt often pops up when you’re trying something new, or challenging. It's easy to mistake it for weakness but self-doubt is actually a sign of growth, it shows you’re stepping outside your comfort zone. It’s important to notice when limiting, or negative, thoughts creep in and then challenge or reframe them. This means replacing the negative thought with something more balanced and helpful. For example, instead of “I can’t do this,” you could reframe it to something like: “This is hard, but I’m learning.” Or simply try adding the word “yet” - I can’t do this yet.

2. Practise visualisation: 

Visualisation is when you form a picture of something in your mind. When we visualise ourselves succeeding, we create a positive self-image, which can lead to increased self-confidence. Many highly successful individuals, from athletes to business executives, have attributed their success to visualisation techniques.

When there is a situation or occasion that you feel nervous about, whether it’s a work presentation, or a family gathering, close your eyes and relax your body completely. Stay connected to the sensation of relaxation and use your imagination to create vivid mental images of yourself achieving your desired goal. Focus on the positive emotions that come with achieving your goals, such as happiness, excitement, and fulfillment. Practise regularly to build your confidence. 

3. Use power poses

Body language can influence how we are perceived and how confident we feel. So-called “power poses” are open, expansive postures that express power and confidence. To give it a go, try standing tall with your hands on your hips (the “Wonder Woman” or “Superhero pose”) for two minutes before a situation that makes you nervous. While the science around power posing is somewhat mixed, many people find it a simple way to feel more empowered. 

4. Set realistic goals

Setting overly ambitious goals and falling short can damage your confidence, leaving you feeling discouraged and unsure of yourself. Research shows that setting realistic, achievable goals is key to building self-belief. When you reach smaller milestones, your brain releases dopamine, boosting motivation and reinforcing your progress.

Try breaking a big goal into smaller, manageable steps. These smaller wins are easier to achieve and give you regular reminders that you’re making progress. Over time, each success builds on the last, helping you feel more confident in your abilities and showing you that bigger goals are within reach. It’s about creating steady momentum and turning effort into lasting confidence.

5. Learn to say “no”

Building self-confidence can start with looking at your boundaries. When you overcommit, or say “yes” to everyone and everything, you can feel overwhelmed, undervalued, and out of control. These feelings undermine confidence. 

Learning to say “no” is a powerful way to take back control of your time and energy. Each time you practise setting, and holding, boundaries, you send a message to yourself that your needs and limits are valid. This builds a sense of self-respect, which is a key foundation for confidence. 

6. Play to your strengths

Research in positive psychology highlights the power of identifying and using your strengths in everyday life. It’s worth taking some time to think about what your strengths are. Reflect on past successes, seek feedback from others, and notice activities that energise you, whether it’s connecting with people, solving problems, or staying organised.

There are free tools online that can help you uncover your strengths if you’re unsure where to start. When you focus on what you do well and find ways to use those skills more often, you’ll feel more authentic and capable. This alignment between your actions and strengths fosters a deep sense of confidence in who you are and what you can achieve.

7. Step away from social comparisons

Endless comparisons, especially on social media, can erode confidence. Focusing on your personal progress rather than others’ successes can help rebuild it. Take a few minutes each day to reflect on something you’ve achieved or a step you’ve taken toward your goals. This practice shifts your mindset, helping you recognise your own strengths and progress instead of being distracted by others’ highlight reels.

8. Practise self-compassion

Self-compassion is a powerful tool for building confidence. It involves treating yourself with kindness during moments of struggle, failure, or when you notice something you don’t love about yourself. 

Rather than harshly criticising yourself for mistakes, self-compassion helps you see imperfection as part of being human. By responding to setbacks with understanding, you build resilience and self-belief. Take time to reflect and replace, “I failed” with, “What can I learn from this?” This simple mindset shift turns setbacks into stepping stones, empowering you to move forward with greater confidence in your abilities.

9. Face your fears 

Confidence doesn’t appear before you take action, it’s something you build as you take those steps. The more you face tasks that challenge, or scare you, the more confidence you gain. 

Start small and tackle fears gradually. For example, if public speaking makes you anxious, practise with a friend first before stepping into a larger group. Each small success helps reframe fear, making it feel more manageable, and gives you proof that you can handle it. Remember, waiting to feel confident first is a trap. Confidence grows by doing, not by waiting until you feel "ready."

10. Surround yourself with positive influences

Building a network of people who inspire and support you is important for boosting confidence. Positive relationships, with friends, family, or colleagues, can create an environment where you feel valued and understood. Surrounding yourself with individuals who uplift and encourage you can enhance your self-belief and motivation. 

These connections provide reassurance during moments of doubt and help you stay focused on your goals. Supportive relationships can also act as a mirror, reflecting your strengths and abilities, which helps you recognise your own potential.